Friday, April 30, 2004

Things I assume to be true:

1. If we have just finished eating, I am certain that a poppy seed or some small bit of roll has lodged itself between my front tooth and the one to its right. If you are a friend, I will ask you for a "lunch check." If you are not, I will excuse myself immediately following the meal. No, I am not bulimic, but thanks for asking.

2. If you grab at your nose while talking to me, I will do the same. This will launch a war of wipes that is likely to disgust any passers by. Keep your hands away from your nose when you are talking to me in order to avoid this mutual embarrassment.

3. If a fart wafts into the room, sometimes I will ignore it. This follows the "Whoever smelt it, dealt it." theory. Sometimes, I will wave my arms in the air and ask, "Whose butt is THAT?" Don't answer me if it wasn't you. "Whoever denied it, supplied it."

more later....

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