Monday, January 31, 2005

Umm...You know...giggle giggle

Sometimes I get a little retarded. It's not very PC of me to use that word. My friend, the Special Ed teacher, looks at me cross-eyed and slaps my hand if I say it. I'm in no mood to be PC today.
I just got back from a job interview where I lost my grasp on the English language altogether. I hate it when that happens. Multisyllabic words? Nada. Complete sentences? Nope. Train of thought? Gone. I got really nervous and just kept talking in circles and saying "you know?" and "really" and "like" and "errrererregh".

T$ - where's that DVD of "The House of Sand and Fog"? I think I need it.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

I PROMISE NOT TO SPOIL THE TWIST IN HIDE AND SEEK

What's worse than someone spoiling the twist of a thriller before you've had a chance to see it? That's right. It's when the person next to you provides real time audio commentary on the film and tries to guess the twist throughout the screening. Shut the fuck up.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

I can't lie

I showed my junk bucket to the tow truck guy who came by to give it a jump. As he's revving the engine and checking out under the hood, he oh so subtly changes the subject by asking, "Why doesn't your boyfriend want it?"

Ummmm...

I know enough by now to know that the random segue into inquiries about the boyfriend is super secret boy code for "I Want To See Your Tits."

Do you want to buy the car or not? He left soon after I stopped answering any and all personal questions but called 10 minutes later to ask about the car again. Upon his return, he and his multitude of towing buddies were treated to witty banter with Tamara. They asked her for vodka, made a weird reference to strippers, and it basically turned into a block party where everyone had a chance to peel out down the street in my 1992 Prelude.

That's it.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Goodbye Life of Leisure....

I may have a new job starting next week! Keep your fingers crossed. I know I should probably keep my mouth shut until it's final, but I'm just a wide open book kind of gal. So here's a list of behaviors I will (hopefully) have to stash away:

1. Having lunch with my good friend Oprah.
2. Listening to T$ as she trudges down the stairs in the morning.
3. Drinking gallons of coffee and Snapple in front of my computer as I check my email constantly.
4. Wishing I could commit myself to an institution for a little RnR.
5. Wishing I married rich when I had the chance.
6. Wishing I led a different life in Jersey or Atlanta or anywhere for that matter.
7. Staying up 'til the wee hours of the night plotting my world domination.

#5 and #6 are a bit frightening to admit and usually don't occur until I'm rummaging through the couches for change to take to the Coinstar. #7 may be a hard habit to break.

Hey Tamara, were you blasting Whitney's "I Will Always Love You" on your new iPod iBox late last night? If that was you, thank you. It led to a much needed giggle fit.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The drunk blog

I had 2, count 'em two sour apple martinis up the block. Here are things that make me giggle right now:
1. The guy at the bar who knocked over the heating lamp and tried to play it off like it didn't happen.
2. Telling T$ that I tried out for the tin man in high school and was awarded the part of the tornado. She laughed in my face.
3. Big boobs in a tight t-shirt. Admit it. It's funny.

Don't know how you do the voodoo that you do

Does everyone have a nemesis? You know, that person you can't stand but can't shake? Like Kristen. She was a girl I knew in college. When my friends were renting a house and had a bedroom to spare, I asked Kristen to move in with us. Slowly over the course of the year, she spread her evil seed. At first, I'd invite her to dinners and parties. Then she began wearing my clothes. And hanging out in my room when I wasn't home. And dating two of my ex-boyfriends. I once caught her lounging on my bed in her underwear. I swear.
I think I have a new nemesis. He keeps rearing his ugly head. I don't really know him all that well, and I don't want him in my life. But there he is. Infecting my world.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I'm obsessed

With the re-introduction of the world wide web, I have been forced to confront an old and familiar friend. Hello OCD. Nice to see you again. Welcome back into my life. Don't mind me as I check my email eight times in ten minutes. Or refresh the blog every 30 seconds. I want to thank you OCD for making me eat the entire jar of cheese in one sitting. And how about the time clean wasn't clean enough so we threw out all of the plates? Fellatio on the first date. Thank you OCD. Thank you for that.

Please take the internet away

Four hours of random surfing and this is all I've learned:
1. No one responds to emails after 9pm.
2. T$ and I have some random shit listed on our imdb sites.
3. I no longer come up first on the page when I google myself.
4. I am a dark and sad person who will never trust anyone. (Thanks Quizilla.)
5. congratulations your not an idiot


------r u an idiot????---------
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks again Quizilla. This was confirmed the moment my eye started to twitch upon spotting the possessive "your" instead of the contraction "you're" in this quiz result.

Monday, January 24, 2005

My Life of Leisure

Beep. Beep. Beep. 7:30am. Hit snooze. Beep. Beep. Beep. 7:39am. Hit snooze. Beep. Beep. Beep. 7:48am. Hit snooze. Beep. Beep. Beep. 7:57am. Turn off alarm while silently giggling.
I'll sum it up for you. Here. Real quick.
Got job. Worked alot. Quit blogging. Rose early. Returned home late. Did lunch. Did happy hours. Did late night parties. Still got up for work the next day. Worked weekends. Climbed Mt Hood. Didn't get sick on a rocking boat. Saw the Nittany Lions win one (for a change). Spent quality time with 625 and part-time lover. Drove across country. Spent night in T$'s hometown. Got outraged. Quit my job.
So....now I have more time for blogging. And more time to hang out with T$ and EMT. It's love.

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