Thursday, April 28, 2005

I want my MTV

Where the hell did it go? It's usually channel 331. Nothing. Check the billion-channel guide. Nothing. What happened? I'm not sure I want to live in a world without MTV!!! It's been my companion for the last 23 and two-thirds years. God. Has it been that long? Video killed the radio star. Take on me. Janet Jackson's first midriff-baring video. You know, the black and white one. I like big butts and I cannot lie. C'mon. Why have you left me, old friend?
T$ - I was a sophomore in HS when the Wall fell. Don't remember the exact details. But I do remember being in the 6th grade when the Challenger broke apart after launch. The principal came in and announced the news to the class. We all had to go down to the Social Studies classroom to watch the reports on TV, since there were only 2 TVs in our entire school. I also remember looking at the cover of TIME magazine while lying on my stomach in front of the TV in early 1981 when Ronald Reagan was on the cover. He was called "Man of the Year" and I was wondering, "What makes him so great?" Then again, I was only 6.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Bye Bye Vacatiern

Job starts on Monday. Yay.

New Job = New Things to Do:
1. Stop wearing jeans every day....or not.
2. Pay T-Mobile before they turn off my phone.
3. Actual shower. In the actual morning.
4. Go to happy hour without feeling the guilt of not coming straight from work.
5. Stop harassing my friends who ARE at work with text messages that read "tits" (umm..sorry Bull)

back on the west coast

Just got back from a week long trip to Florida, and I was greeted in the familiar LA style. Wolf whistles from a passing truck. Seriously? All it made me do is wish I hadn't worn a tank top on my walk down to the Sev.

Florida was great. I saw my folks. We played bocce. Saw the sun set over the lake. Ate 4.5 meals a day. Drank gallons of milk. Answered a ton of embarrassing questions about my personal life. Whenever I visit my parents at their retirement village, I usually get carded when purchasing lottery tickets. Apparently 30 can be mistaken for 17 if the clerk is over 65. Some man asked my dad if I was his granddaughter. When I told him I was 30, he asked why I wasn't married with kids already. I bet my parents wonder the same thing. Odds are they have a sneaking suspicion that T$ and I are life partners. I sat next to this woman from Sacramento on the plane, and we chatted the entire 5 hour flight home. She asked for my number, so I guess I could be good at it if I ever decided to switch teams. eh.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

The Vegas recap aka How loving Barry Manilow almost killed me

Where to start? With the Hottie McHot young Airforce buck sitting next to me on the plane who thought I was 25? Bless his heart. Or the drinking at poolside beginning at 10am? Or possibly when 2 of my friends quite nearly got arrested when they asked an undercover cop where to find a hooker so that they could score some drugs?

aaah Vegas.....We ate in some fancy restaurants. Rode in a limo. Got escourted right into the Ghostbar even though the line was 3 hours long. The first night, we dressed all fancy girl-like and went to see Cirque Du Soleil's "O" at the Bellagio. It. Was. Just. Beautiful. Made me want to take a yoga class. But wait. The piece de resistance.......Barry Manilow at the Las Vegas Hilton. That's right. Music and Passion. Let me tell you, his live performance of "Mandy" seriously made me cry. It started with a video screen on which was projected a 70's version of himself behind a piano singing the song. Then the real live Barry himself rolled out on stage behind a white piano singing along. So young Barry and old Barry were essentially doing a "Mandy" duet. Stunning. Here comes the part where I almost met my demise. Later in the show, Barry comes right out over the audience on a catwalk, and you start to hear some familiar percussion. Dun dunka dun dun dun dunka dun. Bam bam bamm bamm bamm bam bam bam bam bam......"Her name was Lola....." The crowd went WILD. Everyone was on their feet shaking their asses holding up green glow sticks. It was like a drug-induced rave. We were seated 1st row balcony so Barry was just a few feet from us on the catwalk. It was then that I noticed it. The shaking. I was dancing myself, so it took a beat to sink in but the balcony was most definitely moving. Not just a little bit. My friend next to me noticed as well. "Is this balcony shaking?" "Oh shit. You feel it too?" Then I saw all the stage lights which hung on the outside of the balcony chattering under the force of a few hundred rabid Barry Manilow fans jumping to the music. I could picture the headlines. My poor parents who would have to read about my death by collapsing balcony and crushing by middle aged Manilow fans. Oh the horror. I actually plotted an escape route that included hurdling a half wall and scaling the inside of the auditorium. Thankfully it didn't come to that, and I arrived safely home in LA a little tired, a bit hung over, but not much worse for wear.

Saturday, April 16, 2005


I go out of town for 3 days, and I miss the announcement that Britney is pregnant! Dammmit.

Coming soon.....the Vegas recap.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


So, we have a new downstairs neighbor. I will no longer look forward to Saturday morning "Freebird" serenades. But the clanging. And the clunking. And the slamming of windows. My goodness. Day 1: It's moving day. Clank away. Day 2: The rearranging, the cleaning. okay. Day 3: Boy, you're a neat one. fine. Day 4: For the love of all that is good and holy, are you scraping off your ceiling?!? I've taken to blasting Damien Rice on repeat. It soothes me.

I've filled the apartment with the cooties. It's funny how I always come down with a head cold right before/after a vacatiern. The audio gods want to test me by stuffing me up right before I have to step on a plane. I think I have lost some hearing that way, but then again, I am a hypochondriac.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

cry for help blogging

...that's what Waller would call it. Would somebody out there host my intervention? I promise not to get too outraged. I need to get off the sauce.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

scale of intoxication

2 plastic cups of white wine: "Hey, that guy over there looks just like Brian Austin Green."
1/2 sour apple martini: "Dude. That IS Brian Austin Green."
1 sour apple martini: "Excuse me, Brian Austin Green, as I squeeze past you to get to the bathroom."
2 sour apple martinis: "Who is that dashing young man in the crisp white shirt? Oh. It's Brian Austin Green."
3 sour apple martinis: "I'm TOTALLY going to makeout with Brian Austin Green!"
4 sour apple martinis: "My mom's gonna love Brian Austin Green."

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

blog of the devil

It must be true. The 666 is still there.

Is it just me, or do large white vans in the neighborhood equal panic attacks for everyone? I was sitting here minding my own business when I distinctly heard a large white van pull up in front of the apartment. I'm serious. I knew it had to be big and white by the sound of it. Years ago, that kind of aural cue would have elicited a "Yeah! Package!" response, but nowadays it gets a "Oh dear god no. Don't take away my phone. Cable! I NEED cable! And gas! T$ would flip a shit if the gas got turned off and she was forced to take a cold shower."

In other news, Michael Chiklis made a left turn onto Prospect in his silver mercedes. T$ and I both said, "Michael Chiklis" at the same time. ZAP! know who cannot speak until I say her name out loud.....I bet work will be difficult today....

Sunday, April 03, 2005


I woke up this morning with a few questions:

What time is it?
Why is my downstairs neighbor blasting "Freebird"?
Did I really stop at Denny's at 3 am and eat onion rings, mini burgers and a vanilla milkshake?
Why did I think that champagne was a good idea?
Why didn't I put a glass of water next to my bed last night?
Is that still "Freebird"?
Did I change my clock already or is it an hour behind?
Who did I drunk dial last night?
Did we really cruise around koreatown with the top down singing MC Hammer?
What time is it, really?
Why do my calves hurt?
Does this guy have "Freebird" on repeat?

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