Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The text message I got just now

So, I'm in the middle of a meeting - a pow wow session, you could say - and my phone makes this familiar sound: beep BEep BEEP. There are six other people in the room at the time so Professional Allie says "Just ignore it. Do not look at that text. Do not even pull your phone out of your bag." But non-Professional Allie has a quick battle of wills with Professional Allie and wins. I get this text from my friend in the ATL:

I work with a guy. His name is hardik. He he.

Yeah. She's 31. And I burst into titters in the middle of the meeting.

I especially like #10

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Allie!

  1. Over 46,000 pieces of Allie float on every square mile of ocean!
  2. US gold coins used to say 'In Allie we trust'!
  3. By tradition, a girl standing under Allie cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege!
  4. Allie will always turn right when leaving a cave.
  5. The smelly fluid secreted by skunks is colloquially known as Allie.
  6. The most dangerous form of Allie is the bicycle.
  7. All shrimp are born as Allie, but gradually mature into females.
  8. You can tell if Allie has been hard-boiled by spinning her. If she stands up, she is hard-boiled!
  9. If you break Allie, you will get seven years of bad luck.
  10. Grapes explode if you put them inside Allie.
I am interested in - do tell me about

Monday, January 30, 2006

Shut Up!

At some point during the Big Clean on Saturday, T$ and I started shouting at each other. Because it's funny. It went something like this:
A: Can you grab that trash bag?
T: Shut Up.
A: You Shut Up!
T: No, You Shut Up!
(at this point we're outside the apartment and on the street)
A: Shut Up. I Hate You.
A: Well, MOVE OUT then!!!

Our neighbors must think we're insane and/or 14 years old.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Curse you fried shrimp!

So I took a week and a half off from Boob Camp. So what. The trainer shouldn't have taken it so personally. She smiled a little bit when I heaved (but didn't hurl) after the lunge/jump/squat/sprint circuit.

The Big Clean is coming! Starting......NOW. I'm going to clean like the wind. Clean like I've never cleaned before. And this time, I'm not going to let T$ talk me into throwing away all the dishes. actually, I think that was my idea but I like blaming T$ for little things.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

The Lou is afraid of his Colon

Has anyone done the Master Cleanse?

T & A are the resident hypochondriacs

Great. Thanks Andre. You ruined Zicam (and many other drugs) for me for good. When I followed the link from your comment, I was introduced to an entire world of potential paranoia. Just take a look:

Vioxx Lawsuit Settlement
Bextra Side Effects
Birth Control Patch Scare
Crestor Side Effects
Guidant Defibrillator Recall
Guidant Recall
Los Angeles Personal Injury Lawyer
Ortho Evra Risk
Ortho Evra Side Effects
Viagra Blindness
Zyprexa Side Effects

So, birth control = bad and viagra = bad. I just think Andre doesn't want anyone to have sex.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Calling all MerryMaids:

Is MerryMaids an East Coast thing? Because I don't care what you call yourself, really, but my apartment is at address deleted to save T$ from all of her stalkers and it sure could use your help. Bring the vacuum, dust rag, and industrial-sized trash bin. Bring a dumpster actually. And burn all my clothes. You know, the ones that are still sitting in the suitcase in the livingroom. And the ones that were put in a big pile in the closet. shit. half that stuff probably won't fit anymore. because I'm sure I haven't seen some of it since film school. and I was scary-skinny for part of film school. because of the vending-machine diet. mmmm...twix and a coke.....

Monday, January 23, 2006

Happy Belated Birthday T$ or Why I'm a Dickhead....

Yeah! T$'s birthday! Too bad I remembered late in the day on the 21st that her birthday was the 20th.

Dear T$,
I am sorry that I did not call you to say Happy Birthday. There is no excuse. I just forgot. We were filming interviews in the morning and then drove from South Padre to Austin that night. At no time did my brain remember that:
1) it was Friday
2) that the 20th was the date of your birth
3) there is no number three
I hope you had a blast in Las Vegas and that you can forgive your brain-dead ass of a roommate.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Things I didn’t do this weekend:

1. Laundry
2. Grocery Shopping
3. Clean room
4. Clean Living Room
5. Unpack suitcases from Xmas break
6. Clean off desk so that I can see computer
7. Open mail
8. Call Parents
9. Call Friends

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

New Leaf, Turning

Second day of Boob Camp. That's what I'm calling it from now on 'cause I'm sure that's what we look like from the street - a bunch of boobs jumping up and down in formation. This time my "core" hurts. It's not Abs these days, it's your Core. And my core is fat.

I have to get my core in shape for Spring Break Whoo!. Spring Break Whoo! was not the original reason for Boob Camp, but it has provided the additional motivation to roll me out of bed and sweat before work. Now core and sweat look like they're spelled wrong.

I bought $70 worth of fresh veggies last night. They'll probably rot in the fridge alongside the oranges. Perhaps T$ can lose an artichoke down her shirt next time.

Happy Tuesday.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Hey T-Money.....

What disease would I have if I slept a ton this weekend but still feel dog-ass tired today? Don't tell me I'm pregnant because you know that's not true.

Prescribe me a cure Dr. Money 'cause I'm getting nothin' done at work today!

Thursday, January 05, 2006


I know that many of you don't remember me, but I'm T$'s long lost roommate. roomate, rommate, rooooommmmmate, room mate, eh...it all looks weird. T$ asked me when I'd start blogging again. My answer was pretty much...never. BUT - since the time for life-changing bets with ourselves is upon us, I can add blogging occasionally to my list of things I will try really hard to do in the New Year. So far, I've completed a number of pressing items - like paying the gas and electric bills. actually T$ paid them - I just found the bills, posted them on the cork board and left her a blank check. Then, I negotiated lower interest rates on my evil credit cards. Then, and this is big I actually renewed my registration. On time. Sorta. It expired in December, but I was out of town so I went to the DMV the day I got back to LA. Did I mention that this is HUGE?!? Most years I spend January-June making righthand turns whenever a cop gets behind me. or passes me or is anywhere within sight. That shit is stressful. Next up: stop the arse-jiggling. something called "Boot Camp" starts tomorrow - 2 days a week for 6 weeks - I'm scared.

Happy 2006!

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